Magnetism
by demon of causality
Summary: Megavolt returns to his lighthouse to sulk after yet another failed attempt to defeat Darkwing Duck. This is the beginning of a scheme that will lead St Canard’s two most unstable criminal to cross paths with F.O.W.L. Slash. MegavoltQuackerjack
1. Chapter 1

**AN**: First attempt to write anything longer than one chapter when it comes to fanfiction. Also first shot at writing DWD fanfiction. So I'd appreciate advice on how to improve this fic. Unless you find it to be completely perfect, that would also be acceptable.

Comment on my category; I'm hoping this will be a sort of "demented romance", sadly does not have "demented romance" listed.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Darkwing Duck or anything related. It all belongs to Disney.

* * *

My kingdom, my kingdom for a dark and stormy night. There was never one around when you needed it the most, Megavolt thought wryly. Sabotaging St Canard's largest power plant was just not the same thing without the dark and stormy night. He even didn't feel like giggling madly or anything. 

And as if things weren't bad enough, blue smoke started billowing out of a corner.

"I am the terror that flaps in the night…I am the smudge upon the canvas of crime…I am Darkwing Duck!", after the masked mallard finished his regular speech, he hauled out his trusty gas gun and aimed it at Megavolt, "Surrender or suck gas, evil-doer."

Somehow all this felt oddly familiar.

"Never, Dipwing Dork. This time I won't fail. In my hand I have a…uh…", Megavolt stared at the object in his hand, "This is…a…a…thing…which I will use to um…what was it again?"

The vigilante stared at his adversary in silence for a moment. Finally, Darkwing got tired of watching the super powered villain talk to himself.

"How about taking control of St Canard's power supply, forcing everyone to bow to you? Does that sound like plausible plan?", Darkwing suggested.

"Uh yeah, I guess so. And now! Now I will use my power controller thingamajig and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

Darkwing leaned against a wall, "You do realise that's a toaster you're holding?", sometimes fighting crime was all too easy.

"Whoa…if this is the toaster that explains why my breakfast exploded.", and without further ado, Megavolt hurled the toaster at his enemy and made a dash for the door. When opening the door he was met by a somewhat shabby janitor's closet.

"Wrong door.", he turned around, only to find Darkwing Duck blocking the only exit. "Ha! You think blocking a silly door will stop Megavolt?", remaking an old mistake, Megavolt forgot which floor he was on and jumped out the window. "Oh fu…", was the last thing Darkwing heard his foe utter.

"How come he always does that? I mean, this is the fifth time this month he broke into this power plant.", the masked mallard wondered.

The ground, Megavolt learned, is a very hard thing to land on. And organs don't shield you from the impact. Crawling away, he tried to see if all his organs were still accounted for. They all seemed to be there. Except the spleen perhaps, but the thing with spleens are that you can never really trust them.

It had been Megavolt's belief that spleens were the most devious of all organs for as long as he could remember. Of course, he couldn't remember much for a very long time.

Experiencing some luck for the first time that night, Megavolt noticed that Darkwing Duck had not followed. Although that did feel like a let down.

"Like my plans aren't even important enough to foil. Well, I'll show him and everyone else that my plans are the craftiest plans in history. I'll show them, I'll show them all!", Megavolt muttered as he got into his car, and this time he actually managed a demented cackle.

* * *

Once he managed to remember the way home, Megavolt returned to the lighthouse. He was, as always, greeted by the friendly glow from all his liberated light bulb comrades. They offered some consolation. Yet this night, the lighthouse seemed eerily quiet. Placing some newly freed light bulbs, which he'd found at the power plant, Megavolt carefully listened to the silence. 

"Quackerjack…", he said, "I know you're here.", Megavolt didn't even bother to look up when the crazed jester emerged from the shadows.

"Oh phooey, how did you know I was here?", Quackerjack asked, and threw himself onto the scruffy couch, causing the furniture to creak alarmingly.

"The light bulbs.", Megavolt answered, "I think you freak them out."

Quackerjack blew a raspberry, "Are they still mad at me? I only broke one."

"Five. You broke five light bulbs and wrecked the TV."

"The TV deserved it.", Quackerjack defended himself, "I hate game shows. And so does Mr Banana Brain.", the clown waggled the aforementioned doll, "Sure do, Stu!", he giggled intensely for a moment.

Megavolt glared at his partner in crime, "Why are you here anyway? Can't you see I'm busy."

"My goodness me. Aren't we cantankerous?"

"I'm…what?"

Quackerjack giggled, "Why don't we hit the town? Let's go and make something explode.", he glanced around, "But by the looks of it, you've done some exploding yourself."

"That's my breakfast.", mumbled Megavolt.

Another giggle and this one was starting to grate on Megavolt's nerves.

"Don't you mean it used to be breakfast?", asked the quite mad toymaker, "I'd say it's now more of a very ugly tapestry.", the last comment forced Quackerjack to take cover behind the couch, "Hey, watch where you zap!"

"Did you come here just to insult me?", Megavolt growled, his helmet flashed dangerously.

Quackerjack flip flopped across the room, then finally landed in front of Megavolt. "Now, Megsy.", he said while a feathery hand trailed a pattern across the other villain's chest, "I didn't come here just for that."

Megavolt contemplated frying Quackerjack, he wasn't in the most jovial mood this night. In the end he let the mischief-maker put his arms around his shoulders. An unyielding beak nipped along his neck, making him shudder both from pleasure and bit from anxiety of having Quackerjack's teeth so close to his jugular.

"You see," continued Quackerjack, "I have the most wondrous idea."

A great rule to have with you in life is to never trust anyone claiming to have the 'most wondrous' idea. It could be compared to the statement; 'No really, drinking this mix of household cleaners and industrial adhesives can't be all that dangerous.'

* * *

"_Well, gentlemen:", Negaduck said, spitting out the words as if wasting time talking disgusted him greatly. "We've all been defeated by Darkwing Dork, but I believe that together we can crush him like the pesky insect he is.", the grin became wider and as one person, the other super villains unconsciously created a bigger room between themselves and the psychotic mallard_

"_What do you say?"_

_It was definitely clear 'no' wouldn't be accepted as an answer, unless you wanted get intimate with the chainsaw._

_And so the Fearsome Five had been formed. Through threats and violence. How else could a super villain group be formed?_

_Not with promises of a better world, that's for sure._

_Although, one of the villainous villains was in the market for promised lands._

"_And you see, this brand has special kind of glass that reduces the chances of the bulb breaking. I think it's murder sending bulbs out with proper glass protection. Murder I tell ya!", Megavolt muttered to Bushroot who looked more uneasy by the minute._

"_You don't say…", Bushroot said carefully._

"_And now, I'll finally be able to free them all.", Megavolt giggled at the mere thought of all those light bulbs. Free at last!_

"_Uh-huh…", Bushroot was beginning to suspect the whole Fearsome Five consisted of lunatics. The kind that didn't even need a full moon…_

_Bushroot was almost about to excuse himself with something in the line of 'Sorry, I think I left my greenhouse on' when Negaduck called for their attention._

"_Listen up. If we're going to take St Canard, there are a few things that need to be taken care off. Bushroot, Liquidator, you two will take out the police."_

_The plant duck and the former salesman glanced at each other._

"_Uh…how are we supposed to do that?", Bushroot dared to ask._

"_I don't care how.", hissed Negaduck, "But when you're done I don't want to see a single blue boy around. Or else…"_

_Negaduck was perhaps one of the few people who could actually use the threat 'or else…' and actually make it sound frightening._

"_What about me?", inquired Megavolt, absentmindedly letting a spark fly between his outstretched fingers. Quackerjack was staring at the electricity like a moth would stare at a porch light._

"_Yeah…what about me? I want to do something…fun!", Quackerjack said, tearing his eyes away from Megavolt's play with sparks._

_Placing a strange device on the table with a heavy thud._

"_What is it?", wondered Quackerjack._

"_This is an electro slave device."_

"_Oh…well, obviously.", muttered the clown and rolled his eyes.  
_

_If looks could kill, there would have been one dead duck._

_

* * *

_

_Still sore from the beating he'd received from Negaduck, Quackerjack glanced at the main doors to the power plant and then at his partner. "These doors look pretty tough.", he said, with a broad smile, "I guess this means it's 'boom, boom' time.", for some reason the explosives were shaped like something that once could have been a mutilated Whiffle Boy doll. Now it was a horribly, horribly mutilated Whiffle Boy doll._

"_Or…we could do this.", Megavolt placed his hand on the control panel for the door, it made a scratchy sound and exploded. The door clicked, announcing that somehow Megavolt managed to open it._

"_They've got them installed at every power plant nowadays. So simple and crude.", Megavolt said. _

"_I guess we could do that…but 'boom, boom' is time so much more entertaining." Quackerjack's sulk didn't last long as he spotted a couple of workers. "It's playtime!"_

_The mad toymaker flung himself forward, bouncing up and down, and from wall to wall. He made history of every guard or innocent worker in his way. But in a zany sort of way._

_Megavolt winced at sight of a security guard whose head had been slammed into a computer screen. "Uh, Quackerjack perhaps you should let me handle things from now on. You're damaging the equipment more than anything else.", he looked around. Where was that nutter now?_

_A man, screeching wildly ran past him, on his shoulder was a pair of oversized novelty teeth._

"_Um…that definitely takes the price as the weirdest thing I've seen today."_

_A shrill cackle caught Megavolt's attention. Quackerjack came bouncing down the hall with a little group of novelty teeth hopping around his feet._

"_On second thought, it seems we have a new winner.", Megavolt said under his breath._

"_Ohohohoho! All this tomfoolery makes me so excited!", Quackerjack was nearly bubbling over with said excitement. He leered at Megavolt, "You could even go so far saying that it makes me really, really excited, Megsy."_

_Megsy? Well, it was better thank Sparky at least._

"_I can see that.", answered Megavolt, " Come on…Quacky, follow me. We've got to get this thing installed or else Negaduck are going to use us as decorative bird bath."_

_A nearby machine that probably served as kind of vital part in the power plant spontaneously combusted. "And try not to wreck anything. We want the power plant to remain functioning. If it goes out…all those defenceless bulbs…all alone in the dark."_

_Megavolt shuddered at the thought. Being the sole defender of luminaries was a lonely calling._

_And then Quackerjack's hands were just everywhere. The electric rodent yelped as he was pinned against a wall, mostly because something was digging painfully into his back. Yet, that minor pain was forgotten once Quackerjack used his beak to harshly kiss him._

_Perhaps that hadn't been the smartest move since Megavolt had just charged himself before going out to commit some felonies._

_The electric current made the jester burry his fingers in Megavolt's shoulder, press his knee into the other's hipbone. All the while clinging onto the rodent, never letting go as the voltage ran through his body._

_When the kiss ended, Quackerjack was almost sizzling._

"_That was…", he grinned, "…shocking…"_

_Megavolt bit his lip, it was still wet from Quackerjack's attention. Not an entirely unpleasant sensation. "I'm getting sick of all the word plays.", Megavolt said, in lack of having anything better to say._

"_But you use them all the time.", Quackerjack pointed out._

"_Oh…eh, that's completely different.", muttered Megavolt, feeling a bit anxious. This was not exactly what he had expected from this mission. _

"_But never mind that, we should- oooohhhh…", Megavolt's hand gripped at Quackerjack's jester outfit, pulling the other one closer._

"_You were saying?", wondered Quackerjack, voice low and husky. Megavolt just moaned into his beak._

_Yet there was something jumping around in his mind, calling for his attention. Megavolt dismissed it. But it kept on nagging. Something about a chainsaw…_

_Something about…darn, it was hard to think. Especially when Quackerjack was doing that…and that…not to mention the thing with his tongue. _

_It was over so soon. As fast as it had begun. The leering duck had been replaced with just a grinning duck. A grin with a tinge of sadism, Megavolt thought. _

_Mr Banana Brain was held high, and he declared, with a voice that sounded almost like Quackerjack's own voice; "Let's go, Joe."_

_

* * *

_

_Megavolt fidgeted, not even after he singed a pair of guards could he put his tattered nerves at ease. Quackerjack acted as if nothing had ever happened. And in his little world, that could probably be the case._

_Megavolt didn't understand what the hell just occurred. He didn't like things he couldn't understand. He liked things that could be taken apart, studied, put together, and after this procedure there was never any doubt._

_What he couldn't understand was crazed toymakers, who in one second could be tugging at your clothes and in the next, skipping merrily while singing folk tunes._

_Folk tunes which where impossible to get out of your head._

"_What a loony.", Megavolt said to nearby lamp. Placing the electro slave device on the floor, he leaned forward, examined some wires and then buried his hands in them. In just a matter of seconds, Megavolt managed to plunge the entire city of St Canard into darkness. Behind him somewhere, Megavolt could hear Quackerjack snort, "Oh good one, Megs. Now we can't see."_

"_I hate this.", muttered Megavolt to no one in particular, "I hate darkness. It should be light, you should be able to see.", he zapped one of the lamps in the ceiling back to life._

"_Well, now you'll have me waiting for you in the darkness.", Quackerjack said. Megavolt looked up. His counterpart was nowhere in sight._

'_You'll have me waiting for you in the darkness'…was that supposed to make him feel relieved or freak him out?_

_Shrugging it off, Megavolt put on a pair of extra goggles over his regular ones. One could never be too careful when welding. _

"_Ah, I love the smell of voltage in the evening."_

"_I am the terror that flaps in the night!"_

_Oh great…_

_

* * *

_

_When they arrived back at the Fearsome Five's headquarters, Megavolt's anger_

_concerning the little practical joke Quackerjack pulled on him was long gone. It was hard to be mad at someone after giving them the shock of their life._

"_Did you see the look on her face?", Quackerjack seemed to have trouble controlling his fits of laughter, "Pudding!", he panted and leaned against a wall, his body was shaking with glee and giggles._

_It had definitely, without a doubt, one of the more amusing fights with Darkwing Duck Megavolt had experienced. At least he thought it was the most amusing one yet, he didn't really keep a record of all the previous battles._

"_We certainly are a great team, Megsy.", Quackerjack said, "You could even say we're an electrifying team.", this sent the clown into a new fit of uncountable cackling, "Get it! Electrifying!"_

_Megavolt rolled his eyes, "I got it the first time, because I was the one who said it."_

_The statement seemed to calm Quackerjack down, "Oh hey, you did. I guess you're not such a bore after all."_

"…_thank you?"_

_Something that could be described as a demented seriousness passed over the pair. Megavolt knew there would be trouble. Quackerjack wasn't one of St Canard's healthiest citizens. Even Megavolt could see that, and he had a battery strapped to his back._

_Those white feathery hands, stained with someone else's blood, gripped Megavolt's arms._

_He shivered._

_Although, he had been feeling a bit lonely lately._

_

* * *

_

Still, after all this time. Megavolt wasn't sure why Quackerjack did the things he did. But during the rare moments, when his mind was coherent and clear, Megavolt mused that Quackerjack's reason for being heedless was entirely different from his own reason. Megavolt's reason for living for the moment was, well, he couldn't do anything else. Quackerjack on the other hand simply didn't care about consequences.

* * *

First chapter. There will be more…I hope. At least I will have more time to write now. No more school to worry about. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **No, I don't actually own Darkwing Duck or anything related to this show. Disney does.

**AN: **Oh dear…I've received all these nice reviews and here I am…taking half an eternity to update. There are no excuses for this. I simply have a very short attention span…plus, my computer and internet connection seems to be spawns of pure evil. I swear I can hear it chanting in some alien tongue as I write this…or maybe it's just the speakers picking up radio transmissions again…

* * *

"This...this was your great idea?" Megavolt asked tiredly, "A newspaper? Your idea is a newspaper?" he turned the paper upside down, just in case this would help to clarify matters. It didn't.

"No, Megsy, I got the idea when I read the newspaper."

"…you can read?"

A glare was enough to silence Megavolt, and Quackerjack continued; "Actually, the newspaper belonged to the man who gave me the idea," an over dramatic sigh, "Playtime didn't last very long with that one."

_Hm…that explained the red stains_, Megavolt thought and began to examine the paper. It had been a while since the rodent had read any kind of newspapers; they rarely held anything of interest, and the funnies weren't…well, funny anymore, "And who was that…eh…um…playmate?" he asked.

"I think his name was…" Quackerjack stared up at the ceiling while he tried to force himself to remember the name, "…Bob…or Ted…or Joe…uh something with three letters anyhow."

The toymaker leaned idly against Megavolt, "And he didn't know how to play at all. He started babbling something about; 'Oh, I'll tell you everything. Just let me go'," yet another over dramatic sigh, "I tried to make him understand, but alas…it was too no avail. Apparently They've been secretly developing some sort of new super… uh…doodad. Top secret, no knows about it," he whispered to emphasis the drama, "It was really annoying because even after he got that out of his system, Bob or Joe wouldn't shut up. 'Why are you doing this?' he said, 'I've told you everything I know', 'Please just let me die' and so on."

"Who're they?" Megavolt asked, eying a recipe for soufflé, sometimes even he missed eating things that didn't come from the micro. Weeks of eating nothing but toast could really drive you mad…or madder in his case.

"You know…they as in those in charge of the top secret…doodad…" Quackerjack looked shifty, "You know…" he hissed, leaning in close, "…the Man."

The awed gasp he had expected in return from Megavolt was not heard; instead Quackerjack simply got a mystified expression, "What man?" Megavolt asked, wondering if this was the same man that had tried to take away his driver's license.

"SHUSH."

"Oh sorry for asking, don't need to shush me for that," Megavolt snapped and looked like he was going to start sulking. Quackerjack shock his head sadly, "Not shush as in shush, SHUSH."

"Shush…?"

"YES!

"Well, now I'm completely confused. Are we talking about a secret organization or are you just being rude?"

Quackerjack snatched back the newspaper in an irate fashion, "Secret organization," he snarled.

Megavolt watched as his associate stormed over to a cluttered workshop and started mucking about over there. They had gone over to the jester's old abandoned warehouse, complete with an old and musty smell, mixed with the stench of burnt plastic.

Most of the space there was taken up by finished or soon to be finished toys.

An improved version of Rubik's Cube, now prone to explode and even more mind boggling.

Slinky springs trained for battle.

Chess where the loser got to be the pieces next time.

Quackerjack liked to refer to the place as the Condominium of Merriment, mainly because he liked those big long words.

Megavolt liked to refer to it as the House of Really Creepy Toys. Not that he ever say it to the other villain's face. He was insane, not stupid, and no one would actively try to end up on the wrong end of one of those really creepy toys.

_If it's possible_, thought Megavolt eyeing some kind of doll, _the place looks even creepier than it did last time I was here_.

After standing around and being ignored by Quackerjack, this was actually a lot better than having the toymaker's full attention when he moody, Megavolt finally sagged down into a chair, albeit with some hesitation. When it didn't riddle his body with spikes, he relaxed.

He was so incredibly tired and felt that if Quackerjack hadn't been there he'd fall asleep right away. Running away from the masked mallard had drained Megavolt's energy, not to mention that he always felt skittish after those confrontations. The purple clad vigilant always brought forth a nagging feeling in the back of his head, like he should know that there was more to Darkwing Duck than just Darkwing Duck.

Annoyance came by just thinking about it. Because when he tried to recall what caused that nagging feeling, he could always see the answer, but it seemed to slip away from him whenever he tried to focus on it. Like a really slippery fish that's…all slippery…

In small effort to start small talk or alike, anything to hunt the nagging feeling away, Megavolt cleared his throat. That didn't go as well as he'd hope, because it sounded more like he was choking than clearing his throat.

When he once again gained control over his lungs, he said; "You know, I had a place like this once."

At first, there was only the familiar sound of tinkering. Then; "The warehouse you borrowed from Dr Slug?"

Megavolt nodded, "That's the one," he searched the depths of his mind, "Whatever happened to it?"

"Darkwing Duck happened," Quackerjack answer, with enough venom dripping from his voice to poison half of St Canard.

_Great. Why is it that almost all of our conversations end up being about him?_

"Good thing I don't remember it then," Megavolt concluded and barely noticed how Quackerjack's concentration on his work was beginning to waver.

_Evidently, it wasn't enough that the duck constantly foiled his schemes, but he seemed to be foiling his free time too_, was the bitter thought that popped into Megavolt's head and he hoped whatever the nagging feeling was; it would be worth all this annoyance.

He was abruptly brought out from his reverie when Quackerjack leaned over his shoulder and began fiddling with his belt. Megavolt hoped the other didn't plan to force him wear a dress again. It hadn't been his proudest moment when he found that particular outfit to be oddly comfortable.

"So…what do you want to do about it?" Quackerjack asked mischievously. He was so close…and Megavolt felt that he wouldn't mind kissing the other. Although, the last time he'd been so bold he'd woken up the next day in an alley with only his unmentionables left. According to Quackerjack it had been an amazingly funny game. According to Megavolt himself, that so called game was one of the things that actually made him thankful for having a short-term memory that was a little…off.

"D-do about what?" Megavolt stuttered, trying to decide whether to sit absolutely still or run away. The decision was made for him when Quackerjack smoothly dropped down onto his lap.

"Silly, Megsy," Quackerjack said with a dangerously sweet voice, "About this whole SHUSH business," his hand went for his belt once again and Megavolt couldn't help but swallow nervously. It was a strange feeling to try pushing yourself through the back of a chair, while at the same time trying to push forward.

A hand snaked around his neck, and despite that Megavolt wouldn't ever dare to close his eyes around Quackerjack, he allowed himself to settle down a bit and return his partner in crime's gestures. This was nice. A moment between…friends, companions, partners, playmates, lovers or whatever category they fell into.

It didn't happen very often, usually spending time Quackerjack was eloquent of trying to take a nap inside an iron maiden.

Because Quackerjack rarely just snuggled. Oh no, that could almost never provide enough entertainment and Megavolt suspected that he merely was the jester's preferred amusement. After creating general chaos, of course.

"I don't know," Megavolt said, "What is there to do?"

"Weeeeeell…apparently my friend Bob-" answered Quackerjack in a sing-song voice.

"-or Ted…" commented the other.

"…knew a little more about SHUSH's plans than he should…if you catch my drift."

He didn't, but Megavolt nodded anyhow.

"It seems he was playing for two sides, that naughty boy. Fortunately, I met him before he could meet up with his other employers," Quackerjack continued gleefully, "There's going to be a ruse, a subterfuge if you will. They're going to stage some kind of elaborate convoy but what we really want is a delivery boy," he explained, as if this should make this perfectly clear.

"A delivery boy?" Megavolt responded.

"A delivery boy," Quackerjack confirmed, "SHUSH are going to let a delivery boy deliver the top secret and oh so very mysterious doodad to the research compound."

The zany grabbed the collar of Megavolt's yellow jumpsuit and pulled his face up close, "It's devilishly simple…so deliciously simple that no one could ever possibly guess it."

Megavolt wasn't too assured, but Quackerjack was the kind of duck who was thoroughly convinced that the prefect password was in fact the word itself.

"And it would be devilishly simple to steal it," Quackerjack's grin was positively fiendish, "It would be like…like stealing candy from a baby."

"We've already done that, and it's not all it's cracked up to be," retorted Megavolt warily, "Besides, there's too many delivery companies, how can we know which delivery boy has the doodad?"

"Ooooh, but we do know which delivery company they're going to employ thanks our friend Ted," Quackerjack said snidely, "This is a chance of a life time. Think of the toys I could make if this doodad is as useful as it seems to be!" his eyes glinted the prospect.

_Oh, of course…the toys._

Megavolt didn't exactly share his companion's affection for toys. His workshop was instead filled with other harebrained ideas and light bulbs. To him toys often were just another way to foolishly enslave his fellow luminaries…also to develop creativity and cognition in adolescents, but that's an entirely different story.

"How about going with one of my schemes?" Megavolt asked, "For change…"

Quackerjack sneered, "Your schemes? You didn't even finish high school."

Megavolt gasped at the accusation, "Did too!"

"Did not!" Quackerjack stuck out his tongue in a way that would make a four year old awed.

"How do you know?" demanded Megavolt.

"You told me!"

Hm, that was probably true, "Well, that means you've got more experience with schools, but I've got more experience with villainy," he snapped back at the mad toymaker.

"Good point." Quackerjack scratched his beak distractedly, "Fine, we'll go with your scheme this time."

Megavolt allowed himself a moment of feeling relieved.

"No dresses," the told Quackerjack, who went narrowed his eyes dangerously but whatever had come over the jester passed as quickly as it had come, and Quackerjack looked sullen, "Why not?" he whined.

"It's my scheme this time, isn't it? My schemes don't include dresses."

"Fine!" Quackerjack hissed in defeat, "We can make a compromise."

"Compromise?" echoed Megavolt, "Why, Quacky, I didn't even know you had 'compromise' in your vocabulary."

"I won't make you wear a dress, Megs…" a demented grin plastered itself over the insane duck's features, "…outside the bedroom that is…aheh…"

Megavolt just rolled his eyes at Quackerjack high-pitched giggling, and kissed the psychopath, mainly to make the manic giggling stop.

* * *

"_Is it just me, or do they let just about anyone work as security guard nowadays?" Megavolt wondered. There was no answer because the guard, to whom the question had been directed to, was far too busy writhing with pain on the floor. The canine did manage to gurgle a couple of times before passing out though._

_After giving the guard a good kick, sometimes you did things just for the sake of being a villain, Megavolt continued towards his goal. _

_The main vault._

_Money had been sparse lately, and desperate times called for equally desperate measures. Although robbing banks had become a routine for Megavolt. To be perfectly honest; it was amazing how fast you could get used to the whole concept of do and take what you want._

_The security camera hung uselessly in the ceiling, being taken care of thanks to a very convenient electrical short out that rendered them and the alarm useless. Sometimes Megavolt wondered how he ever could've gotten along without practically being one with the electric currents._

_Dark corridors were ahead of him, and Megavolt moved as silently as he could. The last guard had been a close one. When he'd tripped over his own two feet, immobilizing the guard with a quick electric shock happened merely seconds before the guard would've immobilized him with a quick lead shock from his gun._

_He needed to sharpen his senses, be alert and on his guard, he had to be…oh, pretty!_

_Halting outside what seemed to be an office supply closet; Megavolt peeked inside and let out a gleeful giggle. There were oh so many light bulbs, viscously packed inside small boxes. However, he didn't venture going inside. This was a mere distraction, the money was his goal and with it he could doubtlessly emancipate more light bulbs than he could save here._

_Closing the door to supply space as quietly as possible, he moved on. In his frizzled mind, Megavolt got a distinct feeling that something was very wrong. Things were…too quiet…_

_He waited anxiously, usually whenever he said or even thought that; something always happened. Not this time though. Maybe he was just antsy because he hadn't been robbing enough banks lately? Well, there was one obvious way to remedy that._

_Megavolt rounded a corner carefully and tripped over a fallen guard. So much for a stealthy theft…_

_His faced smacked against the very, very hard floor…oh, he was sure to get a bruise. Perhaps he should try to find some ice…or was it something else he should be thinking of right now?_

_While ransacking his mind, Megavolt glanced at the guard which had caused him to fall…oh yeah…guards didn't knock themselves out. Unless there was some kind flu going about the place, which caused large head wounds to spontaneously appear…no that sounded wrong even as he thought of it._

_Well, it was no use to stay still. There was no telling when Darkwing Duck would turn up with his smoke bombs and other gadgetry, and he didn't exactly feel like waiting around for the creature that had knocked the guard out._

_Walking briskly Megavolt approached the first obstacle on his way to the main vault, filled with money that more or less begged him to steal them._

_The large steel door greeted Megavolt and he let a low whistle at the sight, "There's something very odd going on here," Megavolt couldn't help to say out loud when he saw the sentries that were supposed to watch over the cleverly secured steel door. They were even stacked neatly on top of each other._

"_Oh, congratulations!" clapping his hands slowly, in that very sarcastic manner, the jester stepped out from the shadows, "And it took you only…what? Ten minutes, tops, to figure that out, Sparky."_

_His blood was boiling in his veins; there were no words for how much he despised that nickname. People thought they were sooooo incredibly clever when they thought that one out. "What are you doing here?" he asked coldly._

"'_What are you doing here?'" Quackerjack mimicked mercilessly, actually doing a good impression of Megavolt, "Robbing a bank obviously. What else would I be doing here, Sparky?"_

_Megavolt slammed his hand against his left eye; it was start twitching uncontrollably, "Would you just stop it?" He'd almost forgotten how immensely aggravating the self-proclaimed trickster could be. After all, he hadn't seen him since the Fearsome Five business with had been a fearsome fiasco to Megavolt's great disappointment. Occasionally he'd seen the rest of the gang briefly when they appeared on the news and Megavolt was starting to fervently wish that it had stayed that way._

_An innocent smile graced Quackerjack's beak, "Stop what, Sparky?"_

_Frazzled nerves were beginning to break, "I told you to stop it!"_

_Fighting at the crime scene wasn't perhaps the most intelligent decision Megavolt had ever made. But in the red haze of long pent up rage making sure that the next spiteful little remark Quackerjack had planned to deliver never came suddenly made the risk of getting caught seem trivial and the dark room was momentarily lit up by a crackling flash of electricity._

_Nearly becoming part of the wall behind him, Quackerjack gracefully evaded the bolt that managed to make the sturdy security wall sizzle. His eyes twinkled like stars._

_Megavolt made a sweeping motion with his arm, generating energy, but before he could hand out another shock treatment something hit him in the chest with such force that the air was knocked out of his lungs._

_The sound of something repeatedly bouncing of the walls with a loud thud was all around him and Megavolt let his gaze quickly sweep across the room. There was something small and colorful bouncing around and it was beginning to move so fast that it was almost impossible to see. He pressed himself squarely against a wall, "What is that thing?" he asked, with a voice that was a bit too high pitch for his taste._

"_Oh!" Quackerjack looked happy, like he'd just been waiting for that exact question, "That's a stress reliever. All your worries will soon be forgotten with Quackerjack's amazing stress reliever, because you can't worry if your brain is smeared all over the walls."_

_Perhaps a slightly flaky conclusion, but logical nonetheless, Megavolt guessed. The little spherical object was steadily gaining speed for every time it bounced off something and Megavolt wasn't the only one whose brain was in the risk zone. "Shut that thing off," he yelled, "Or we're both history."_

"_What?" Quackerjack looked nonplussed, "I can't hear you, Megs. This thing is making so much noise!" he started to dig around in one of his pockets, eventually pulling out what appeared to be a small metallic remote, and after fiddling with it for about a split second, the stress reliever abruptly ceased to bounce around. It fell to the ground like a dead pigeon, it sounded like it was coughing miserably._

"_How did you do that?" Megavolt couldn't help but ask, there were few things he didn't want to poke and prod to see how they worked._

"_Ah-ah! A magician never reveals his tricks," Quackerjack answered, waggling his finger like disapproving mother._

"_But you're not a…" Megavolt began but fell silent, he wondered if he should try to zap Quackerjack again, but right now it didn't seem to serve any purpose, and he returned his attention to the large valve door. _

_His perfect heist had been somewhat tarnished by Quackerjack's interruption, but this could likely be used for an advantaged._

"_So how were you planning to get past the security system on this door anyway?" Megavolt wondered causally._

_Quackerjack pouted, "Like I'm going to tell you," he snapped._

"_Let me guess," the rodent said acidly, "You were just going to blow it all up."_

_Quackerjack gasped, "Who told you that!" yanking his slightly battered doll out, he glared at it maliciously, "Was it you, Mr Banana Brain? Why, Mr Banana Brain, why? I swear that tickle-me-doll meant nothing to me!"_

_And they call me crazy, Megavolt thought wearily. He held out his hand, "How about we call a truce?" he offered._

_Eyeing the out stretched hand with distrust, Quackerjack finally took it, "Okay then, Mr Let's Not Blow the Door Up, how do you plan to get the vault opened?"_

"_With this!" Megavolt proudly held his newest invention aloft._

"_Well, that is a nice and shiny toy you've got there."_

"_It's not a toy," he said and swatted away Quackerjack's hands from the dull looking apparatus, "It's more of a…uh…death ray? Death wave emitter? I was thinking something along those lines."_

"_I think it looks like a water gun," contributed Quackerjack._

"_It does not look like a water gun…okay, maybe a little. But that's not the point!" Megavolt pulled out a retractable chord from the death water wave gun emitter, "The point is…the point is…" he connected the plug into his personal, portable socket, "Uh…the point is that I can't seem to remember what the point is. So let's just say bye-bye to the door."_

_Quackerjack waved energetically with his hand, "Buh-bye door!"_

_The apparatus came to life with a low humming sound which grew stronger and stronger, and as a mad scientist, Megavolt had to fight the urge to let out an euphoric cry of; "It's alive, it's alive!"_

_A bright red beam, which were a lot more on the pink side than Megavolt would've liked, was discharged from his invention and made impact with the valve door._

_First nothing major happened, so they waited. And waited. And waited…_

"_Is it supposed to take this long?" Quackerjack whined, he was close to stomp his foot in frustration._

"_I don't know!" exclaimed an irate Megavolt, "I've never tried this thing on a security door of this magnitude."_

"_This is a huge disappointment, Megs, but should I be surprised? You didn't exactly last long against the Justice Ducks."_

"_Oh yeah?" glaring daggers at Quackerjack, Megavolt continued; "Well, you didn't exactly stand your grounds against Gizmoduck."_

"_He had a dentist drill!" Quackerjack shrieked loudly, "A DENTIST DRILL!"_

_The previous epic battle…okay, maybe not epic…the previous and largely disorganized battle would've resumed had it not been for this story's deus ex machina._

_He arrived elegantly as always, in a cloud of blue smoke, delivering his catchphrases with ease. Sadly, this spectacular entrance was hardly noticed by the quarreling villains._

"_You know, Launchpad, this is exactly why the bad guys never win," Darkwing said, gesturing towards the arguing duo, feeling quite confident about himself._

"_Uh…why? Because they wear funny hats?" Launchpad asked, "But you also have a funny hat, DW."_

"_It's not funny!" the hero subconsciously touched the mentioned object, "…it's stylish. Just like the turtleneck."_

_By now, there wasn't much to hinder Megavolt and Quackerjack from noticing their nemesis, "Sorry to interrupt your fashion talk, but I'm in a bit of a hurry," Megavolt said, disconnecting his wave water emitter death gun, his battery was low on power now, but hopefully he had enough zap left in him to singe enough feathers for an escape._

_Luckily, or unluckily, depending how you decided to view it, Quackerjack eliminated the need for Megavolt to singe feathers by dispatching a fairly cute toy soldier, who happily marched forth and exploded._

"_And that's who you deal with smart-mouthed heroes!" the toymaker proudly proclaimed._

"_That's always a way, but then there's this," Megavolt answered coolly, sending a burst of electricity towards Launchpad who'd been trying to sneak up on Quackerjack, the pilot managed to dodge the blast but not Quackerjack's foot which connected with his beak._

"_Let's get out of here, Megs," Quackerjack said, flashing a grin and grabbed Megavolt's arm firmly._

"_But the-" Megavolt pulled himself and Quackerjack to the right, neatly avoiding a projectile from Darkwing's gas gun, "-money," he finished. Then he turned around, using the very last ounces of energy he had left to create a large discharge of power that forced the do-gooder and his 'trusty sidekick' to take cover. But the satisfaction over this was soon replaced by teary eyes._

_Oh not the tear gas…Megavolt hated the tear gas._

"_Um…" he didn't protest when Quackerjack once again grabbed him and led him out, "I didn't want the money all that much anyway…"_

_The sensation that just toppling over and pass out in middle of the city might be a good idea was becoming overwhelming and the whole notion of putting one foot in front of the other seemed very alien to Megavolt as he staggered along in the alleyway._

_Overhead, the roar from Darkwing's airplane could be heard, that stubborn mallard didn't know when to quit, did he?_

_Tiredly leaning against the brick wall, Megavolt turned to glare at Quackerjack who walked behind with the expression of someone who had absolutely no worries whatsoever. "Would it kill you to stop stalking me and help me find a power source?"_

_Quackerjack leaned nonchalantly against the very same wall Megavolt was using as support, you know, nonchalant as in 'Look at me; I'm as nonchalant as one could possibly ever be. Why, if you were more nonchalant than me right now you'd probably die of exhaustion.'_

"_Oh, but I enjoy watching you when you're as helpless as this…Sparky," he answered Megavolt's question, really relishing the fact that the other was completely unable to dish out a rebuttal, "As a matter of fact, I've got something better than electricity in mind for you and me."_

"_Light-"_

"_No, Megavolt, I'm not talking about light bulbs. I'm talking about time travel."_

"_You're insane, do you know that?" Megavolt pushed Quackerjack away and started walking away, "And that's coming from me," he added._

_Hands wrapped around his waist and stopped him, "Don't go, Megs, I need you."_

"_Er… what?" was the only response the slightly bewildered Megavolt managed to choke out._

"_In a living battery kind of way!" Quackerjack hurried to say, almost looking bothered._

_Megavolt sighed and continued to determinedly ignore the fact that the company of a known psychotic killer had stopped unsettling him. And what he really tried to ignore was how nicely familiar it felt to have those arms around him. _

"_Riiiight…and I'm supposed to…what with the…"time machine"?"_

"_I prefer the name Time Top," Quackerjack said. Because nothing beats alliteration._

_Even if Megavolt had felt like protesting and not get talked into another impromptu team up, he never got the chance since Quackerjack's way of persuasion took all his attention. The last coherent thoughts he managed to form before giving up entirely was something in the lines of I Have A Bad Feeling About This…_

* * *

Hm…I don't know why but every sentence took at least two hours to write.

And now I'll not rest until the next chapter is written! I will not leave this keyboard until…yeah…I just went and bought the two Baldur's Gate games and the expansions…I'm so weak…


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **Darkwing Duck and everything related is property of Disney.

**AN:** Does anyone know what the proper name is (if there is any…) for Megavolt's gun? I'm going for electro-gun…mostly because I giggle every time I say it aloud.

But more importantly…I have no idea how to properly write the way Steelbeak talks, and I feel that it would only look stupid if I tried squeeze in a few _dat _instead of _that_. And the _License to Steel_ webpage doesn't work anymore it seems…so I'll just settle with trying to make him sound suave…which coincidentally I'm not completely sure on how to do either…

* * *

"I'm boor-" Quackerjack began but cut himself off in the nick of time. 

"If you even consider finishing that sentence, a sentence, I might add, you've been repeating over and over again during this last hour, then I'll…I'll…uh…"

Staring into the muzzle of Megavolt's electro-gun turned out to be an immense source of inspiration for what Megavolt could do.

"You'll make me wish I was never born?" Quackerjack suggested, "Fry me until I'm nice and crispy? Or…" a worrying grin appeared and made Megavolt glad that he was currently armed and not entirely defenceless…not that it would stop Quackerjack, "Or perhaps you'll teach me the true meaning of pain? That I wouldn't mind."

There's nothing more frustrating than threatening a duck who actually enjoys what he's being threatened with.

"Can't you just be quiet?" Megavolt begged, his head pounding, "Is it really so hard?"

Giving the rodent a look that said; _Are you insane? _Which he was but…but you know what I mean, Quackerjack answered; "Yes. Yes it truly is."

Finally giving up, Megavolt let the weapon return to the holster at his side, "Look, it's not my fault we're stuck here, is it? So stop whining about it."

Flaring up indignantly, the jester gestured angrily, "So you're saying this is entirely my fault, huh? My fault that we're fleeing through the sewers, hunted by F.O.W.L and practically defenceless since we're surrounded by water and the slightest mistake from your side could kill us all. IS IT MY FAULT?"

"Yes!" Megavolt hissed back with vengeance, "Why didn't you say F.O.W.L was involved in this?" He wished he was back on one of his regular liberation missions, they were so much more straightforward than this…and best of all, somehow electrical equipment hardly drew the attention of infamous crime syndicates. Megavolt could never exactly figure out why.

"Well…you didn't ask! And I didn't want to interrupt your happy scheming," and the jester had the nerve to look sad…in that pitiful way that only served to give Megavolt guilt and turn the whole argument around, "You didn't even ask WHICH sides Ted-"

"-or Joe."

"-was playing for."

"I happen to forget a number of things," Megavolt snapped, concentrating on moving forward and avoiding the water, knowing that Quackerjack was probably filing away every comment that he deemed would require punishment later on, "With these fried memory centres of mine, you know. You'll have to forgive me!"

The only sound the jester, who was a few paces behind him, made was the soft jingle of bells, and then all too sudden…the sound was close and a warm breathe tickled the back of the rodent's neck, causing his hairs to stand straight out.

"Hm…" Quackerjack murmured, "When you put that way it certainly does sound like it's my fault," he reached around Megavolt's waist, yanked out the electro-gun and fired at an eggman who had been hiding a few feet away.

* * *

_The bare corridor of one of those delivering companies that are just SO HAPPY to be given the HONOUR of delivering YOUR GOODS, with the slightly zombified workers, slowly letting their spirits be broken by the corporation, was eerily empty but they didn't think much of it…probably time for their coffee break. Or possibly because it was too early in the morning…the street lights had yet to be turned off…which had been noted by a righteous Megavolt._

_Problems had started to occur in the very beginning. What they had expected was perhaps a couple of S.H.U.S.H agents undercover mixed in with the usual personnel managing the conveyor belt…no more and no less.  
_

_However they could at least agree on the important things._

"_So we have a deal then? I enter first and I get to say the witty comment," Quackerjack queried and patiently awaited Megavolt's response, "Well?"_

"_Mmgmph!"_

"_Sorry what?" Quackerjack smiled and benevolently removed the brightly coloured toy hammer, which had previously been used to kindly smash Megavolt's head into the beige wall._

_Rubbing his jaw carefully, the rodent sighed dejectedly, "Fine, we'll do the entrance your way this time."_

"_I'm so glad you finally came to see things my way, Megsy," Quackerjack drawled._

"_Uh yes…I found our discussion very, very rewarding."_

"_I can certainly think of quite a few ways to reward you for your obedience."_

_And Megavolt didn't doubt that he could, "Not now!"_

_Quackerjack pouted miserably, "Aw, why not?"_

_Not letting himself fall for the jester's old trick, Megavolt simply gestured towards their surroundings, "Remember why we're here in the first place."_

"_Ah yes…" Quackerjack giggled, "To do very, very bad things to other people."_

_Megavolt looked at his counterpart with something not completely unlike the affectionate kind of loathe. "Just get the door."_

_With an over-the-top bow, Quackerjack sent what could have been described as a dashing smile had it not been for the anticipant glint in his eyes, "I'd be more than happy to!" he raised the hammer and opened the double doors up with a perfect backhand swing._

_Not an overly friendly sight greeted them inside the conveyor belt centre, most of the workers inside appeared to be quite dead. Those who were alive were looking about as lively as a clot of zombies, although zombies would have been preferable to the armed eggman that now stared with utter confusion at the two new arrivals._

_As on a silent order, all weapons were cocked and aimed at the doorway. It was one of those moments when time seemed to be moving incredibly slow and where there's only a blank mind, completely devoid of good ideas, to help you._

"_H-hi…" Megavolt stammered, "Is this where I do my taxes?"_

"_Wait!" the clown snapped, "You promised I'd get the witty comment!"_

_The spell was broken and a cold voice suddenly called out; "Don't just stand there!"_

_A lot quicker on the uptake than the rodent, Quackerjack quickly grabbed Megavolt and got both of them out of harm's way. This sudden act of compassion went completely over his, for the moment dim-witted, friend's head, even as the air space they'd recently occupied was filled with armour piercing bullets._

_The sound of fire was deafening, and yet the familiar click of a weapon being cocked ran loud and clear. The former almost abandoned beige corridor was now occupied to the brim, so to speak, with trigger happy eggmen. All of them standing just out of reach and could safely hide behind their weapons._

_It was enough to make the most stable rodent jittery…and to be honest; Megavolt wasn't the most stable rat around._

"_Eggmen!" he cried, pointing wildly at the men…women, who knows? It was impossible to tell with the costumes, "F.O.W.L! Eggmen! F.O.W.L.! EGGMEN!"_

"_Hey!" Quackerjack hissed, "I don't think you should be calling anyone pointing a gun at you foul."_

"_Foul…" Megavolt repeated weakly, not caring what he was saying anymore._

"_My, my…I'm not sure whether to be giving you a gold star for perception or insulted," the rooster said and this is where the morning became really bad._

* * *

"_I hope you are comfortable," Steelbeak said jovially, not too differently from the jovial way you greet a business partner over a simple lunch._

_Quackerjack grinned back, and to anyone it could've been a random mad grin for the jester, but Megavolt thought he could see that more determined murderous glare in it, not the way Quackerjack looked at those he deemed had been good toys given how long they lasted or the way he looked at Megavolt, ready to devour everything… but…eh in a good kind of way…said the rat who considered slight abuse to be another form of love._

"_Now that you mention it, these nylon ropes are chafing," Megavolt interjected in the ongoing, and one-sided, mad grinning contest. Meaning, the jester grinned like mad and Steelbeak tried to ignore it._

"_Indeed!" Quackerjack smoothly concurred, "Wouldn't mind loosening them, would you?"_

_Steelbeak chuckled and gave Megavolt a friendly slap that caused his head to ring and spots to appear before his eyes._

"_You ARE funny, aren't you? I've personally lost track on how many times those exact words have become S.H.U.S.H agents' last words. And I do mean last words," he chuckled once more, to add to the already very charming appearance, and put an arm around Megavolt's shoulders. Quackerjack tensed reasonably at this, and his face seemed to scream; "Mine!" or anything equally possessive._

"_See here, Megsy…can I call you that?"_

"_No!" Quackerjack snarled._

_Easily ignoring the murderous clown, Steelbeak continued; "See here, my bosses are upset and they tell me; ´Listen, Steelie. S.H.U.S.H has something we want and you're going to get it for us.' When they ask so nicely, how could I possibly decline? I'd like you to imagine just how upset I am when I discover that hey! The package with practically my name written all over it is already gone."_

"_Very upset?" Megavolt offered, not really bothering about the whole phenomenon called rhetorical questions. It happened to other people, those with a normal sense of social interaction._

"_You hit the spot, Sparky."_

_Megavolt twitched, if only his hands weren't tied down…then he'd show that uppity rooster just why he'd earned that nickname and at the same time; he didn't fail to notice that no matter how furious the name made him, Quackerjack seemed nearly feral. Who knew that he could get so adamantly possessive._

"_And I've been upset the whole week," Steelbeak on the other hand seemed a bit obvious about the fact that he was slowly starting to push two of Saint Canard's _

_prime candidates for the 'Most Psychotic Villain with Fetish' award over the edge. Then again, F.O.W.L's top agent knew how long you could poke around in a nest of snakes on speed before it was time to take cover. _

"_Because you know that your carefully planned operation will be going down the drain when your informant ends up in the morgue."_

_Especially when the blunt element used to end his life was a pogo-stick._

"_Carefully planned?" Megavolt snorted and shrugged of the arm that encircled his shoulders, forgetting that perhaps avoid gaining Steelbeak's ire was a healthy idea, "This operation is about as planned as ours. And we're…you know…INSANE!"_

_Their carefully planned operation had been; Go to the right place, take the secret doodad and then get out. It had seemed so simple in theory._

_Steelbeak nodded in what appeared to be a thoughtful manner, "This is a lot messier than I prefer," he admitted rather sorrowfully but forced. And then the loveable smile faded and the smarmy look was replaced with a look of pure and unaltered rage._

"_Where. Is. It."_

_It wasn't as much as a question as it was a simple demand, which suggested failing to answer this would result in unpleasantness._

"_Where is what? Your keys? Are you looking for your keys?" Quackerjack asked back, genuinely a bit confused by now. He understood false joviality, he understood the act of being neatly tied up…and being tied up together with Megavolt was a nice change of pace as it usually was his job to tie the electric rodent up. And Megsy was always averse to return the favour. But would it hurt to be more specific?_

"_Nope! Haven't seen your keys."_

"_Don't play dumb," Steelbeak snarled, deciding that there's only so much useless banter one can take in one bad morning._

"_He isn't playing," Megavolt commented lightly, his hand seeking and finding the jester's and giving it a quick squeeze, "And why are you still talking to us? If we had the stupid package, would we have rushed back inside?"_

_They probably would have, though not intentionally._

"_Oh, we have a droll one on our neck, boys," Steelbeak said, the remark was directed to the gathered eggmen. Nevertheless, he didn't miss the mood change in his two prisoners, "What are you two up to?" he said and frowned, the eggmen automatically tensed._

_Before today, Megavolt's only contact with the F.O.W.L organisation had been brief, often as an involuntarily spectator in the background as Negaduck went nuts on the eggmen. Now he decided that he didn't like the organisation…not at all. Especially its smarmy top agent who reminded him all too much of an average school bully._

_The electricity that flowed through his body started acting up because of Megavolt's own nervousness, this usually happened when he was shock-full of far-fetched schemes or already well on his way on becoming a gibbering heap of paranoia. _

_On rare occasions, it gave his brain a jumpstart and led him to the place where the boundaries between absolute brilliance, madness, dream and reality were non-existent and quite superfluous._

_He suspected that this was where Quackerjack spent most of his time…and for some reason his arms were starting to get really itchy…and if the nylon ropes hadn't held him back he'd scratch until he bled._

_The ropes snapped._

_And the electrical equipment in the eggmen's helmets suddenly became a very tempting target. As Quackerjack would have expressed it; It was…something, something…time…_

"_THIS!" Megavolt shouted and a surge of electricity flowed from his fingertips and into the helmets made by F.O.W.L. its high-tech going haywire, "This is what we're up to!" he cackled, it was moments like these that made him love life._

"_Next time," Quackerjack took a hold of Megavolt and flung both of them behind one of the conveyor belts, this whole act of getting the rat to move was slowly becoming a routine for him, "When we do a sneak attack, don't shout anything witty before it," he pouted, "You promised me that it was my turn."_

_Random cries of; "I'm blind!", "I can't see!" and of course the classic; "Who turned the lights off!" were heard. It made one wonder if F.O.W.L's only existing recruitment policy was that the eggmen should know from which end of the weapon the bullets were going to come out of._

_To cheer them up, Quackerjack threw them a present…and bear in mind that his idea of the perfect gift exploded and drenched those close by in a liquid which ignited._

"_TAKE OFF THE HELMETS!" Steelbeak's enraged voice broke through the cacophony._

"_But it buuuuuurrrrnnnnsss!" a hapless soldier screamed back._

_The thought of recapturing the former prisoners perished._

_Adding to the already existing mayhem, Megavolt overloaded the machinery next to him and parts of the conveyor system exploded. It was very pretty._

_Sighing contently, Quackerjack felt that he was only a few steps away from reaching Nirvana, "Finally! Finally things are starting to go boom!" he discovered that he was speaking to deaf ears, or more correctly, no ears at all. Megavolt had bolted and headed straight for the second exit in the large room._

"_Do we have to go nooooow? This is fun, fun!"_

"_Sprinklers!" was the only answer he received._

"_Sprinklers?" and then Quackerjack was drenched, "Oh right…smoke…water…" he felt the chaos call to him but withstood its allure, his departing words were slightly patronizing; "Best thing about crazy people is that you can always rely on them acting crazy!" and then he sprinted after the aqua phobic villain._

_Steelbeak hardly felt surprised when the smoke from the burning chemical sent his underlings into an insane fit of giggles._

* * *

"_This is horrible…this is really, really horrible. And we're going to die. We're going to die horribly."_

"_Gobbledygook!" was the protest Quackerjack voiced._

_Megavolt regretted the day when he had given that extra large thesaurus to the toymaker, even if it had been on sale…_

…_okay, so he had stolen one when passing through a bookshop…but they had been practically been giving them away for free anyway. The colourful signs had said so. No harm done.  
_

"_Can't you talk like a normal person?" Megavolt also regretted using the rather unfitting word 'normal' when talking to Quackerjack, who was currently occupied with looking after pursuers. _

_For the time being they were safe. As safe as one could be after they'd set several eggmen on fire and generally annoyed agent Steelbeak. Not to mention the fact that they had to fight with teeth and claws to get away from the police that had chosen to show up._

_Then there was always a masked mallard lurking about…_

"_Gobbledygook is a normal word; people use it all the time," the maddening brightly dressed duck said._

"_What people?"_

"_Does it matter? You never socialize."_

_You may win the war, Quackerjack, but not the battle…great he even screwed it up in his own head._

"_Now, what do say if we get away from here?"_

"_I don't mind if we do," honestly, Megavolt had absolutely nothing to object to that proposition._

"_Fantastic! I know the perfect escape route."_

"_P-perfect?" Did he have to use the p-word? It never meant anything for him when Quackerjack regarded anything as perfect. And this time proved to be no different._

* * *

"_The sewers?" Megavolt squeaked._

_The murky depths of the manhole were uncovered by Quackerjack, it seemed to wink at Megavolt and a strange feeling of déja-vu swept over him. "Wait! I think I remember some- NO!" he felt Quackerjack grab him, "Don't do it, Quacky! Please don't!" resisting and begging only seemed to make the toymaker more set on his task._

"_Got to get that acid off somehow, don't we!" he chirped sickeningly sweet._

_Megavolt opened his mouth to retort with a scathing insult but stopped to think, "Acid?" _

_The itching arms were gone, replaced by arms that felt like they were on fire._

"_Yup! I storied it in my new cufflinks!" and then Megavolt was gleefully shoved down into the sewers._

_The moment he reached the watery substance known as…eh…water, yes, all his beloved currents of crackling power were painfully removed from his body. Nothing could compare to it. Not even those days when Quackerjack was in a rotten mood and quite bent to make sure everyone else felt the same way._

_Feeling quite like the drenched rat, Megavolt stiffly managed to crawl over to a marginally drier part of the sewer tunnel. Every time…every time this particular ordeal happened, it left him with an appalling sensation of utter loneliness._

_And Quackerjack didn't exactly make him feel better about it, "Did you get off all the acid?" he asked after landing too gracefully for it to be not annoying._

"_You used acid?" Megavolt whined without shame, he scurried over to the dirty water, rinsing his arms even though the contact with the substance made him shudder._

"_It solved the 'being tied up' problem, didn't it?" the jester pulled Megavolt to his feet, "That should do it. It's my own special mixture so I think you'll be just dandy!"_

_Think?_

_The rat discarded his gloves to be on the safe side._

_Cufflinks and acid, there was so many wrongs with the way Quackerjack accessorized._

"_Um…" Megavolt staggered, and as much as he felt that it was not a good idea to lean against Quackerjack, it was either that or fall from the ledge and into the water again, "…I don't feel so good."_

"_Well…" the jester expressed his not too sympathetic feelings; "Not much I can do about that, is there! Or do you want me to kiss your boo-boo to make it all better?" he leered._

"_No, no, no! The switch…" Megavolt feebly gestured towards his battery._

"_This switch?" without making sure it was the right one, the jester quickly flipped it. When Megavolt didn't do anything interesting he felt cheated. Though the delectable look of pure bliss on Megavolt's face as the welcome warmth of the reserve power, which he stored in the battery for rainy days…often this was meant literary, returned to the rat's cold limbs served as a fairly good substitute._

_When they got home, Quackerjack grinned, he would have to remind Megavolt of a few important things with the help of his well thought out games._

* * *

_Steelbeak looked at the uncovered manhole_

"_It's always the sewers…"_

_And the suit was new…the story of his life…_

* * *

"Oh great job, Quacky," Megavolt muttered with as much sarcasm he could muster, "I'm really low on power now," he poked the meter, hoping that it was perhaps merely malfunctioning. No such luck. 

"Better bled dry than…literary bled dry," was the bizarrely pragmatic answer from Quackerjack, "Besides, I didn't use much. He's only knocked out. See?" he kicked some debris on the eggman to prove it, the target groaned, "Absolutely, positively not dead as a doornail!" Quackerjack exclaimed.

"All in all," a low voice said, "It's the mediocre duo doing their usual sloppy work."

Megavolt shrieked, very unfitting for a veteran in villainy, and swirled around with as much balance as a drunken ballerina. This action was regretted because just as he had expected, a very disgruntled Negaduck stood behind him with a look that said that he'd been standing there for ages…now he had simply decided to make his presence known.

"Where did he come from?" Quackerjack voiced Megavolt's own question, he could never get how the mallard managed the whole appearing without a sound routine.

"Excuse me?" Negaduck hissed, malevolence radiating off him, "I'm standing right here," his hand reached forward and curled around the other duck's neck.

It was nice knowing you, Quacky…

"You don't talk like I'm not around when in fact, I am around," Negaduck snarled, "What is my name, clown?" he tightened his grip.

"Gak! Negaduck!"

"Good," he released Quackerjack who shrank back against Megavolt, "You'll use it, respectfully, from now on."

He turned his gaze towards Megavolt, who smiled nervously and waved back. Negaduck was scary…and maybe even scarier when he looked like he was unarmed. At least when he was bellowing and wielding a chainsaw you knew where you had him.

"You dolts," Negaduck barked, "You've completely ruined my perfect heist. Can't you even stay in one place and soak up bullets? Is it toooooo hard for you?" he sneered cruelly at the blank, and noticeable fearful faces, staring at him, "What, are you surprised? Did you honestly think it was a coincidence that the F.O.W.L spy fell into your hands…" he paused, "…you did, didn't you?" Negaduck slapped himself in the forehead, the standard movement to express immense frustration.

"Argh…look, saps, I was going to steal F.O.W.L's precious little trinket, right under their favourite steel reinforced beak. But you had to mess up your only assignment by leading them down to MY escape route."

Great, Megavolt just knew Quackerjack would take that as the ultimate proof that his idea of an escape route was perfect. Ignoring the short circuiting results sewers meant for the electrically charged criminal altogether.

"Don't worry, you're going to get a second chance," Negaduck glanced down at the put out of commission eggman, "But first I'll have to deal with this. I do detest sloppy work."

* * *

For the first time in his life, Megavolt thanked whichever deity was responsible for letting him end up with his sometimes unwanted companion in crime. 

"You did that?" he exclaimed ecstatically, "Just for me?"

"Of course, Megs, a generator just for you," Quackerjack pushed Megavolt forward, "See, it's not a bad idea to get back to my place."

He was being lured into the spider's nest, he knew, but a recharge was always a recharge and right now Megavolt was prepared to kill for some juice.

Though it was not the happy sight of recharging that welcomed them when Quackerjack pushed open the doors to his old warehouse.

"Best thing about villains is that you can always rely on them acting predictable. Returning to your secret hideout right away? Tisk, tisk…" Steelbeak looked mildly amused. A few of the eggmen with him were decidedly more battered up and scorched since their last session.

That conceiting smirk on the glinting steel beak made Megavolt think in particular ways he typically only did while dealing with Darkwing Duck.

_I…I want to set you on fire…_

But he didn't let his wish be known, all Megavolt said instead was; "Ha! This only shows you're smart enough to figure us out. EVERYONE knows villains always return to their hideout right away, we knew you know and assumed you knew we knew this…and…" And I have no idea what point I was trying to make, "…and we have many different hideouts!" Megavolt crossed his arms, "So there!"

"Yes, but this one was closest."

There was no arguing there, Megavolt shrugged, "Darn, he's good," he muttered to Quackerjack.

"And I'm handsome to boot, but enough chit-chat. Hand it over," the rooster ordered.

"You mean this?" Quackerjack waved tauntingly with the object in his hand; simply because he was mere seconds from being forced to give up the prize didn't mean he couldn't be smug about possessing it for a short time.

"That's a teddy bear," Steelbeak remarked,

"Wrong!" Quackerjack said mockingly in the a _Are You Always This Dense? _voice, "It's a FLUFFY teddy bear. Also the toy you've been looking for."

"So you did steal it. I was beginning to worry that my only lead would only lead to more messy ends for others."

As I'd let some oily agent help me kick the bucket, Megavolt thought, that would be over my dead body…no…wait…wrong again...

"Now hand the pack…um…teddy bear...over," Steelbeak looked like there were no kinds of torture worse than having to utter that special sentence. Unfortunately, Quackerjack looked quite willing to show him that there was.

The jester raised his hand to throw it but Steelbeak stopped him and pointed towards, "Don't throw on us, just put it down."

"Whatever you say," Quackerjack he made a big show of just carefully placing the desired item on the warehouse floor and grinned, "Come and get it."

Two eggmen separated from the larger group, one warily aiming his weapon on the two loonies, while the other motioned for them to move backwards and then leaned forward to apprehend the teddy bear.

They returned to Steelbeak like happy yet fearful ducklings. And, not unlike how children joyously rips open their presents on Christmas, Steelbeak ripped the stuffed animal apart. After a while, when it had been thoroughly searched, he could only state the painful truth; "There's just fluff…"

"It's what you get in fluffy teddy bears," Megavolt tried to help, feeling slightly sorry for the dejected looking rooster, "The fluff is what makes it…err fluffy."

"Wow, and how long did that take to deduce, Sherlock?"

"But there's supposed to be a…a S.H.U.S.H thing inside!" Steelbeak protested.

Isn't there any one who actually knows what the doodad really is? Megavolt found the whole affair on the verge on becoming extremely embarrassing.

"Ah…" a revelation made itself clear in Megavolt's head, for once, "I thought it was a little strange disguise S.H.U.S.H chose."

"I find it even stranger that Negaduck had a fluffy teddy bear with him," the jester pointed out.

Megavolt sighed, "So it was just a decoy from Negaduck then. I wonder if we survive this, do you think Negaduck is going to kill us for not dying?"

"Who knows?" Quackerjack answered, not entirely too unhappy with the result, at least the arrogant idiot was not getting what he wanted, "We're really bad at this cannon fodder job," he added.

Steelbeak felt that once more had he and his henchmen been temporarily omitted from reality again by the duo. He wish he could also conveniently neglect certain matters in his life.

"Why don't I feel more shocked at this?" Megavolt wondered, hoping no one would pick up on his word choice and try to make any kind of wordplay.

"Duh…it's Negaduck…if he didn't do stuff like this all the time I'd think he'd gone nuts."

While thinking about what the jester said, the rodent commented; "…but he's kinda nuts already."

"Yeah…well…yeah…SHUT UP!"

Deciding to grab everyone's attention yet again, those two had ridiculously short attention spans, Steelbeak cleared his throat and said; "Weirdoes, no matter how adorable this Old Married Couple bickering is, I have been up all morning, losing a great deal of beauty sleep because of you two. Believe it or not, I have a job to do," he smirked as an idea formed in his head, "And now I think that you do too."

* * *


End file.
